undisciple

I spent the past few years in some confusion or rather a lack of clarity about what to do with this existence called life.  I have been working towards a direction, but I am not to the end result I started out to complete.  The confusion typically leads me to frustration and eventually to anger, but you can learn from conflict though it is painful.  I can’t say much has changed, life still has a lot of things I disagree with, but it at least feels like some things have become sorted, and as a result, I changed.  Even if your story doesn’t live to close to one that involves God, just being good at what you do and committed to a few things rather than too much seems to be a bit more impacting then just keeping busy before you die.  My cousin recently quoted, “Everyone has a part in the body, even if it is the middle finger.”

As I hear more and more about who God is and what God does, which in turn helps me to comprehend a little bit of who that makes me, it has shown me how and where I don’t live up to the example and intention I had set out to become.  A hypocrite I think is the word you use, I find myself never being able to be a great dad or at least the dad I want to be; nor the business owner, husband, writer or leader either.  In one way or another, I found that we all become the hypocrite; unless your dead.  Some are better at hiding it and some care more to defend it.  But we all set out with an idea one day and since have missed some part of the mark.  I wouldn’t even say you don’t need to verbalize the point before denying it, more simply you think it a good idea and then walk away from it.

I used to feel bad about that, you know making mistakes, even ashamed.  Really I still do, but now guess I have to come to accept it as part of my personality and the personality of others.  I agree that I make enough mistakes that aren’t in line with what the expectations were to become, but I also don’t think that disqualifies me or anyone else from having opinions we hold as true just because we don’t line up perfectly.  I normally end up always seeing things from my perspective, but think I am starting to be more opened up to allow other perspectives (especially God’s) to be a player in that game.  Someone mentioned empathy and maybe even loving, I quickly mentioned they were wrong and that I will have none of that.  It’s not so black and white anymore (this is a huge statement for someone who knows me) and there is a lot of issues with timing and communication that keeps us from working well together all the time.  That  differs from the past where I would follow the culture I grew up in or try to look good to those who knew me well.  Kids are another great perspective changer.  When some of who you are, then becomes reflected in someone else, it should at least cause you to pause and look at what your life says.  Especially as a dad, what you communicate to your kids verbally, behaviorally and unintentionally matters.

So maybe the past few years really just helped me clarify what direction or even what questions to ask to find direction with the time, resources and energy which exist before death.  We all want to be the one who makes the choice for that timing, but honestly life doesn’t work that way.  That being said, there have only been a few people I have met who get up in the morning and desire to suck at life, though with enough objection or resistance in life I might be that guy too.  I don’t know what you are trying to get out of living, I assume you are good people who want life to be somewhat simple and comfortable.  I bet there are some that want to put the moon in a bottle to sell it for a killer profit, and then some of those people want to just give it away to all the children that don’t have a moon of their own.  Some of us may just need to be current to what is going on in the lives of people we won’t meet and some of us will spend life only thinking about the people in front of our eyes.

So my end goal is to follow Jesus.  I get that isn’t a common world choice, and I don’t need to debate the point of why you should or shouldn’t either.  But you, like me, will follow something be it your heart, money or the statement “you will follow nothing”.  Mumford and Sons says “where you invest your love, you invest you life”.  I want what I love in life to matter, and not because I think it matters.  There have been choices that seem to be in the direction of trying to follow Jesus that I made within the past few years.  I give credit to this as God working his plans into my life and seeing it as grace directed towards my life and not simply figuring something out and arriving.  I can’t take credit for what happens, good or bad, when I didn’t make a lot of other choices to get me there.  I didn’t choose plus six foot height, where my parents would live, why someone wants me to paint their house or not and certainly didn’t pick my kids from a litter of puppies.  So life becomes a wonder again, like the thing my kids are, the thing I have been working at trying to figure out in hope to gain some control.

I would say now that I am becoming accepting to the idea that I don’t have as much pull in my own life as I thought I did, even excited.  I see evidence to support the idea, but definitely not a 3-dimensional example for everyone to see.  I make a lot of mistakes which is why the thought of not making my own choices would be exciting.  “You can’t fail if you don’t try.”  Usually I am too busy with “important” things like searching the internet or deciding what the next purchase will be to make life fun again or dreaming that we had some extra money to buy something with.  Those things, that if I held them up against the candle which is life, I start to shudder at the meaninglessness of them.  It’s pretty overwhelming to even think about how inconsequential I can be.  The prizes of the past have fooled me one too many times, and I know at the end of the rope isn’t a pot of gold or a box of chocolates.  Really it is just a box, some nicer than others or maybe just a hole in the ground.  I get that most objects, technology, people, vacation plans or careers won’t be the long term answer, so there has to be a lot of pain that is left to come among the upswings too.

Part of my new year is to challenge myself to write more and I might as well make writing meaningful to me since I will spend some time there.  So hence the post about trying to follow the goal to follow Jesus.  I say I want to follow Jesus, I think I even have enough failure in life to know I don’t really have much to offer or answer past trying to follow Jesus.  So in light of what options are left, Jesus makes some sense.  I hate to come to that point from such a humanistic mindset, but I don’t think I will get an angel bending over to show me the light or some other miraculous tangibility.  There is just something about this story that makes me feel ok on the inside.  A hope that something significant has happened and will happen again.  My life is still proof that something moves me from where I sat a year or two ago, physically and mentally.  I don’t begin or end with a love for Jesus, even though He is part of my life and I think about him.  Certainly wish I did.  I still just make choices, hypocritical to that leading, and try to deal with the remaining broken pieces that keep a reminder to me that I need something outside myself to get through life.

One of those broken pieces is relationships.  I don’t do well with communicating in the moment or beyond. I hold things back.  I don’t want to give up what scares me or the way I go about things.  Holding onto those things are easy and make sense to me.  Giving them up would hurt a lot.  If there is a hint that I may not get what I want out of something, I quit before I start or put it in the back of the closet for the day there will be enough time to deal with it.  Part of that is maturity and then part of that is self love, the rest is just other people who have the same bent.  I want to think I have the answer, more from fear than arrogance I hope.  It seems silly to think that if I knew an answer was certain, anyone else’s opinion would matter much.  More often I think I verbalize what I am thinking in hopes that someone would agree making it more concrete than before.  I’m glad people keep believing in their incomplete ideas, ideas they don’t even know how big they are.  People like Thomas Edison and Bill Gates Steve Jobs.  But people do matter and what they think matters even when it opposes mine.  Especially when it does, it shows me the care I have for myself over someone else.

My kids are young and don’t know a whole lot, but what they know matters.  What seems to matter more is that I can listen to what doesn’t matter and not try to correct with what I think matters, cause they aren’t perfect and I am not perfect.  That seems to be what love is about, giving up something.  I hope giving up becomes more regular for me than yelling at the kids cause what the kids say doesn’t make sense in my mind.  I do trust that the only way the end of life will work out is from Christ, whether I understand the depths of that statement remains to be seen.  I keep proving with many examples that I am worse off than I think, and that God knows this, and still sent Jesus to die in my place.  I want to follow a guy like Jesus who fights for the ones he loves even when that person doesn’t see it.  I want to be like the guy who is patient and suffers in waiting for other people’s mind to develop a little more.  It may end up costing me some comfort or at least press into my laziness.  But yes, because there is an example in Jesus to follow, I’m trying to mess my way into looking like that example.

The Shepherd Leader

The Shepherd Leader

“The Lord’s purpose would be fulfilled in preserving a remnant of his people in his land from whom would issue the promised Messiah, the ultimate Shepherd of God’s people (p. 17)”

“The responsibility to shepherd the flock is on the shepherds, not the sheep (p. 198).”

This is the first book on leadership I have come across that challenges the context in which a leader should be evaluated.  Witmer also confronts the responsibility with taking on leadership with the seriousness and implications that come with it.   “The casual observer can see the wisdom of the plurality of elders in a local church. That is, if it is understood that the elders are not merely called to be decision-makers but to be involved personally with the sheep (p. 41).”  The authority, under Jesus, that God places in our lives is there for a reason and should not be misrepresented in a lackadaisical effort when charged with being a shepherd to others.  Shepherding isn’t by our efforts to promote change in the sheep, but to love them as Christ has loved us already and point them continually to that truth. “The Son of Man, the Chief Shepherd, came “not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (p. 89).”

“A proactive, loving relationship with the sheep will lead to a greater likelihood (though certainly not a guarantee) of effectiveness in winning them back from error. Another problem with a reactive approach is that it leads to the neglect of the healthy sheep. If you are only contacting members when they are negligent, when are the healthy sheep contacted for support and encouragement? After all, shouldn’t those who are faithful in following Christ and supportive of the church receive the dedicated attention of the elders? Unfortunately, this is not the case in many churches (pp. 124-125).”  Since the call to leadership is so significant, we should all view this resource as valuable for everyone in knowing how to recognize and encourage a leader and shepherd whether you are leading or not.

Bibliography

Witmer, Timothy Z. Shepherd Leader. Phillipsburg, New Jersey: P&R Publishing, 2010.

Intentional Parenting

Intentional Parenting

“The ultimate goal of discipleship is that our children will come to delight in the grace of God and desire to love and obey him. They will develop these attitudes only if they understand what God has done for them (p. 60)”

This brief book starts and ends on the right path, and there is not a ton of fluff or unnecessary examples.  Simple truth from scripture, simple imagery to make truth stick, and simple instruction to help initiate and cultivate a family devoted to being disciples of Jesus.  Discipleship with the family begins with remembering: “God is the sovereign and holy Creator of the universe. Man has rejected the sovereign and holy rule of God. Jesus is the eternal Son of God who came to rescue sinners. The gospel demands that all people respond in repentance and faith (p. 28).”  Discipleship continues with parents living lives that reflect their dependence and joy through what Jesus has done.

Chapter three highlights the macro-level viewpoints of this book.  The “ingredients” are broken out in some of the major focuses of discipleship with the family.  There is just enough words used to provide clarity in the chapters and yet has left ample amounts unwritten direct you back to Jesus in help to make the teachings stick.  Tad Thompson does a brilliant job of emphasizing scripture and bringing it to life within the home. “He (Joshua) knew that households are either devoted to God or devoted to idols, so he called for the absolute and exclusive worship of God. Some of you say that you believe Jesus is Lord, yet you hold onto your idols and serve them with more passion and zeal than you serve Jesus (p. 102).”  As Christian parents we must begin to take inventory and ownership with the responsibility God has given to us.  “Parents today will generally do whatever it takes to see that their kids are successful in school, sports, drama, and dance. They will spend a great deal of money, time, and effort on these temporal matters. Yet very few take the time to be a strategic coach in the things of God (p. 97).”  This book is a must have resource to give helpful and Godly direction for the family.

Bibliography

Thompson, Tad (2011-01-28). Intentional Parenting (p. 97). Cruciform Press. Kindle Edition.

Note to Self: The Discipline of Preaching to Yourself

Note to Self: The Discipline of Preaching to Yourself

“This personal, devotional work is essential to our own health, but also to our effectiveness in sharing the law and the gospel with others.” (p. 24)

This book lends itself to be a practical collection of thoughts.  Mind you personal does not mean self-centered or self-serving.  The various topics are parted in three ways the Gospel and God, the Gospel and Others and the Gospel and You.  The short book is made up of forty-eight short pieces perfect for warming up the morning.  He approaches the tensions such as we must speak and listen, yet to highlight one, enhances the other.  Though there can be no complete separation of the ideas, Joe Thorn does a great job or seeing both sides of a tension through a lens of scripture.  More importantly there is a sense of logic to the realistic illustrations to make clear the subject matter.

“You must learn, relearn, and remember your Savior’s love and sacrifice for the wicked, the rebellious, the black-hearted—for people like you. And when you see the Holy One’s sacrificial love for you, you not only see what love looks like, but also you find strength and power to love like him.” (p. 36) Joe writes as a personal conversation between a loving father and yourself that cares for your core convictions.  The dialogue desires to stem from or lead to knowing God’s story in a beneficial way to encourage and convict one who loves God.  “God not only commands you to do this but empowers you to do it, as well. Wherever you are, today you should be the first to move. Initiate for the glory of God and the good of those around you.” (p. 80) There is a reason and a hope for the many statements of faith throughout the writing, and this book can be and should be read multiple times to find all it’s assets.

Thorn, Joe. Note to Self: The Discipline of Preaching to Yourself. Good News Publishers/Crossway Books, 2011.